Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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