Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
