I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
