you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
