It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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