WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I smell like Dick and happiness
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
