I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
