I don't usually arrange sex via text message
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
