i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
