3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
