just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
