She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
