Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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