I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
