I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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