Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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