in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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