Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
