Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
