I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
