it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
