Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
