theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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