He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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