you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
