he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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