Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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