New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
