god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
