My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
