the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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