I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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