My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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