Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ketchup is God's man juice
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
