i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
