How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
