If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
