apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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