she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
