i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
