Pappa wants mamma naked
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
