Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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