the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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