it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
