last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
