never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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