so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
