he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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