I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
