DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
