So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
