dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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