You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
