Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
