I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
