You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
