break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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