that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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