i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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