I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
