Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
