I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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