what day is it and did you see me today?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
